Excuse me Santa i'd much rather kick you in the shins and run away.

so i realized something just now. I am afraid of a lot of things, like spiders and rats and pennies.. but I never before realized that I am simply afraid of my own success. Its almost like it standing in front of Santa himself on Christmas morning and rather than accepting the gift that he tried to give you .. you just kick him in the shins and run away... I've defiantly never been the smartest,most organized or best at something but I've always been determined. I think that maybe somewhere somehow I came to the conclusion that I better just be determined to be mediocre and got used to it. I realized that I excelled ..hell I thrived at chaos and I became so used to that idea that I had to just survive that  I never really got to live. To chase my dreams or dream really.. see all I've ever wanted to do since I was in elementary school is feed people. didn't matter how or where  it is just ingrained in my person to love the chaos of a kitchen during dinner rush. I love seeing how food brings people together and creates community.I read food books like soccer moms read cosmo. It is just who I am. So I'm gonna do it. I'm going to get tired, get stubborn and go back to school. Not just any school mind you. Le Cordon Bleu college of culinary art. I am gonna wear checked pants and funny hats.. and chase my dream for once instead of settling for the mediocre.