Musings of a mini mexican

I am small, I am mighty, I am loved chosen and destined. I write not for anyone else to read really but to keep myself sane. Its how I process and in the process I have discovered I have a gift with words.

Monday, November 14, 2011

blood is just as thick as water.

Today   I was having a conversation about my birth family and how weird it is to look like somebody for the first time in my entire life, the person I was talking to said “well they aren’t really your family”  that was like a knife in my heart, I have spent my entire life wondering what it would be like to know people who share the same DNA as me, all I’ve wanted for as long as I can remember is to look like somebody, to be able to say “yeah I have my dads nose” so this past summer when I finally found my birth family I felt like a piece of my heart that had been missing was finally whole. So to the people who think that family is just the people you are raised with, I say, you don’t know what its like to feel so very connected to people a thousand miles away whom you’ve  never met in real life. So until you understand what its like don’t try and tell me what to think. I will always value, love and celebrate the family that raised me and I wouldn’t trade them for anything in the world but just like when you have a baby and it becomes part of the family or a marriage brings new people into the family, my new siblings, counsins and other family are  just another part of my heart,  so don’t tell me who my family are and I won’t tell you who they aren’t. 

Friday, November 4, 2011

When I was 12 I couldn't see 25

When I was 12  I  couldn’t imagine what it would be like to be 25 years old. I am now 17 days away from being 25 and somedays I feel like I’m 12 still. The last 13 years have been incredibly hard and filled with pain and struggle but I also feel like I have accomplished more than I ever thought I could. But somedays to be perfectly honest I feel like I’m 25 with nothing to show for it. The majority of my friends have jobs and college degrees and babies and houses. I don’t have a job, I’ve only made it through 1.5 terms of school and have no hope in sight for houses, babies or husbands. I can’t seem to finance my own future and everytime I seem to get things in order I fail yet again. People like to tell me “your turn will come” but if I hear that one more time I will freak out. But then I remember…that I have defied statistics and the odds in almost everything in my life. I was told once by a trained professional that “I would never drive ,go to college or graduate from high school” well I have done all of those things and continue to do everything that people tell me I can’t. so I may be 25 and without what the world defines as success but I have climbed mountains and had victory over obstacles that would make most degree holding,baby having home owners weak in the knees. So the moral of the story is that I am successful and that I am seeing 25 and it looks pretty amazing to me.