Musings of a mini mexican

I am small, I am mighty, I am loved chosen and destined. I write not for anyone else to read really but to keep myself sane. Its how I process and in the process I have discovered I have a gift with words.

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Hope is like a bug on a windshield

So Its been a good minute since I blogged (don’t worry non southern friends I don’t mean a literal minute )  This last season has been anything but easy. At the beginning of October I was feeling like I was finally getting my crap together, great job, doing well in school and had what I thought was a great relationship. On October 7th all of that changed. It all started with a car accident that showed that not only was my car and body damaged but that my relationship couldn’t hold up to the stress or trauma. Within two weeks of the accident I also was laid off from my job and had to leave school because I had missed so many days from the near constant migraine that the accident left me with.  I was left feeling broken,lost and pretty angry. This also happened right when I was beginning a very intensive counseling class with my church. Talk about having a rough couple weeks.  So I started to pull away from not only my church family but also others who love me and even my best friends. I wasn’t sleeping or spending time with the Lord. Why? Because I was angry and because I felt that I had exhausted my last chances. I felt like all of the things that happened were just consequences of my former life.
One of my favorite verse in the Bible is Proverbs 13:12  “Hope deferred makes the heart sick” in this last season of my life I learned what it means to be heartsick. To be perfectly honest I had lost hope completely and was so heart sick it made me physically sick sometimes.  Recently I’ve been reminded of the faithfulness of my Captain even when I am so unfaithful. I was reading Hosea the other day and  in that book a prophet of the Lord is told to marry a prostitute who leaves him several times and he has to buy her back.  As I read that I began to get a picture of hope like I haven’t seen in months. It was almost like I was drowning and someone handed me oxygen. I almost physically felt blood start to pump in my heart again.  The faithfulness of my Captain even in my darkest moments and deepest pain is reason enough to always hope.  He has given me so many amazing things and my prayer is that I can keep Hope in focus becasuse Hope is like a lighthouse in a hurricane and sometimes it’s the only way to make it through a storm. Elbows up and eyes on the prize. Hold onto Hope. Like a bug on a windshield. Like a skydiver to a parachute. Hold on for dear life because Hope=Life.