Musings of a mini mexican

I am small, I am mighty, I am loved chosen and destined. I write not for anyone else to read really but to keep myself sane. Its how I process and in the process I have discovered I have a gift with words.

Thursday, April 14, 2011

Lessons on faith,fathers and using your blinker.

So today I went to try and get my license for the 2nd time....and I failed. Now for most this may not seem like anything serious but for me its incredibly frustrating. Here's the story wishbone.
When I was in my birth mothers womb she was a drug addict. So when I was born I had borderline Fetal Alcohol Syndrome and was addicted to drugs. Soon after birth I developed meningitis and ecoli which further cooked my already fragile brain.
Fast forward to 8th grade when  my poor frustrated parents finally took me to be tested for learning disabilities. It actually took until my 10th grade year to fully diagnose me. I have at least 4 types of dyslexia/dysgraphia and spacial awareness processing issues. So what that means in plain English is that its a miracle that I can even walk,talk,hear or get past basic elementary school. I did some very intensive cognitive therapy in 10th and 11th grade and managed to graduate from high school. I remember that one of my therapist told my mom to be prepared for me to never go to college or drive a car. That statement has haunted me for the last several years and has been a constant source of frustration for me. I have fought so very hard to get this far and when it seems like I can't conquer something it makes me crazy. I was recently denied for testing accommodations from the disability support people at my school which is going to make passing this math class incredibly difficult but back to my point. My dad today before I left for my test was trying to help me work on parallel parking and it seemed like I just couldn't get it. And then a light bulb went off and I realized due to my issues with spacial awareness its almost impossible for me. Here's the kicker though....I aced FREAKEN PARALLEL DURING THE TEST!
so ever since this afternoon when I failed the test I've been so broken hearted and down trodden and every negative voice in my head has been screaming about why I'm never going to pass this.
sometimes I have trouble remembering in the darkness what He's told me in the light. I was in the car with my dad earlier and we were discussing how someone I know is the same age as me and is the general manager of a hotel and how I cant even seem to get a drivers license. Now my dad if you don't know him is a man of very few serious words. So I made some self deprecating comment about how I cant even manage to get a license and my dad sorta mumbles "BUT YOUR EXACTLY WHERE GOD WANTS YOU" I almost had to sit down for a second. The reality of that truth  hit me like a cement truck.
The idea that the creator of the universe knows exactly how He made me and that I am not learning disabled because He created every little piece of my brain and that He holds every piece of my future and my present in His very capable hands. I now realize  that this process of college and learning to drive are no longer obstacles to be overcome but proof of  THE GOD OF THE IMPOSSIBLE.  The fact that I can even drive well enough to almost pass the test or go to college and blow my teacher away with my writing when statistically I shouldn't even be able to read. Anyways its late and I have school early. mumble grumble ....math test.... sorry this is such a long one and I appreciate anybody who reads this and hope it speaks life.

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