So as some of my readers know, I was adopted when I was 4 months old. My whole life I’ve always felt like I was missing part of me or that I was different from everyone around me. As a kid I wanted to have someone tell me “oh you look just like your dad or mom “ and actually mean it. I have always felt for as long as I can remember, that I somehow didn’t belong to anyone. Now the family that adopted me loves me and I’ve always known that but it’s a strange emotion that us adoptees have to process when it comes to dealing with the sense of separateness you feel in connection with your adoptive family.
Usually when the subject of adoption comes up Im asked the question “do you ever want to find your family” of course I do. I haven’t so much wanted to meet my birth parents but knew that I had several siblings that I have always wanted to meet.
In 5th grade the quest began. After finding my birth name in a pile of paperwork, I found my original birth certificate on the internet and wrote down the names of my birth parents and carried that piece of paper around till I finished high school. Eventually life distracted me and I gave up hope of ever finding my birth family. I became content with the idea that my questions about where I came from and my ethnic heritage would be forever unanswered. That was until this last Friday night when after dinking around on Facebook I decided to send a message to anyone in the town I was born in that had the same last name I was born with to ask for info about my birth father. I Didn’t actually expect a response from any one. So I was shocked when I received a message from a man named Andrew Ronquillo, saying that his dad who shared the same name as my birth father had in fact had a daughter who was my age and was given up for adoption. I was in shock and began communicating with him about the details, the weirdest thing about it was that Andy and I share the same facial features and bone structure. The next day the news that he was in fact my half-brother was confirmed by a cousin who knew my birth name, which was sealed after my adoption and other key details that only my close family would have known. So in a matter of 24 hours I gained, 3 new brothers, numerous cousins and 10 nieces and nephews. I am of course thrilled but with that joy comes a sense of overwhelming closure because I am finally getting the answers I have longed for as long as I remember. I also am dealing with sadness because in discovering this info I learned that my birth father who it turns out , contrary to what I had been told actually did very much love me and want me, passed away when I was 7 years old. He was murdered at the young age of 36. I am mourning a father I never got the chance to know but am filled with an immense sense of relief in knowing that he did want me and did talk about me often.
I am making plans to meet them all someday soon. I am also going to make a short documentary film about it as a way to honor my dads memory.
This new found family in no way replaces or discredits the family that raised me, I love them just as much as I did before I found my birth family, I don’t expect most people to understand all the reasons why I needed to do this but it is the most amazing, life changing and inspiring thing that has ever happened to me.