Musings of a mini mexican

I am small, I am mighty, I am loved chosen and destined. I write not for anyone else to read really but to keep myself sane. Its how I process and in the process I have discovered I have a gift with words.

Saturday, October 23, 2010

things I wrote and wish I had the courage to slam.. maybe letting other people read it will help

I wish I knew what the lesson in this was..
Why after this many years I end up back here.
Why this is always the fireplace that bares the ashes of my best attempts at a grown up life.
I don’t know why I always end up back here when this is the place I’ve been valiently trying to get away from for the last 12 years.
Its like a virus that I cant shake
Like a rash I cant heal
It’s the proof that that voice of doubt that always says I”ll never conquer and take charge of my own existence is often correct.
I’m tired of living on the couch and be relegated to the garage.
I need a chance to be normal
I need to succeed at something for once.
To move out and away for good.
To never come back
Never look back
Never walk back
But instead run as far and as fast away from you as I possibly can
Because you represent failure for me.
You have your life, your wife , your kids
And by me giving into your desires I let you win again
I let you take from me again.
I let  you call me names
I let you choke the very life and identity out of me again
You took everything from me,
I don’t want anything of yours anymore.
You aren’t the person I fell in love with.
You aren’t my 9th grade boyfriend.
You are a liar.…
You had your chance
But now I have mine
To take back everything you stole from me
To claim my life as really truly mine.

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